This morning I am having one of my "moments", the one where I feel like everything is not working out well then I start feeling overwhelmed and the the tears start flowing. I seem to get these feelings when I am not busy enough to keep my mind occupied and at night. Like right now it's 11am and I am still in the bed, since my daughter's are on Spring break that means there is no reason to get up and be busy. I am am literally about to drag myself out of this bed, I am trying to make plans for the week to keep busy and our sanity. It has been four weeks since I have seen my therapist because I have had to cancel everytime and I am starting to miss that time. Note to self: no more Friday appointments.
Rewind...I was diagnosed with depression a few months ago which was not a surprise to me. I knew a long time ago I needed to see someone but sooo put it off. One reason was because of my hubby, he is the type that always wants everything to seem perfect so I really struggled with wanting to tell him. We are a Christian family, married for 13 years this September, and two beautiful daughters ages 11 and 8. My husband and I are total opposites in every way but because of that we fit together beautifully. November I decided to talk to him about it, he struggled for a while but then was ok about it and now he supports me to the fullest. I found the best therapist who happens to have AHDH for real, we put staying focused to the test all the time. She is great though. She doesnt feel this will be long term so hopefully by July we should be finished.
This past year has ben a rollercoaster for sure, I was laid off my job in May after being there 7 years, and still have not been able to find another. I have seriously stopped looking because of the stress and all the rejection emails. Then came the breast issues and now the fertility issues. Just one thing after another. It's nice to talk to Leah and let it out my system I feel so much better when I leave her office. She has helped me alot especially with my girls who were stressing me out with all my yelling, and backtalk from the oldest. I am a yeller and I need you to do what I say and not feel like you have to respond back. We may have that nipped in the bud now. It's good to know all these things weren't just "all in my mind."
I am rambling, I said all that to say its ok to need some help sometimes. I am not a shameful person, our bodies and mind do what they do and we do what we need to do to right it and make it better. I know this is a test for me, not saying God put this on me but that I know he is watching me to see how I am going to handle this. And I plan on passing. This fertility issue is not going to get me down, we were made to produce seed so produce a baby is what I will do in Jesus name. PCOS must go!!! Instead of being sad about it I have decided to change my eating and life styles, they werent bad at all but I am just making it better, nothing wrong with change. PCOS next time.
Psalm 118:29 Rejoice in the Lord for He is good, His mercies endureth forever...