Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Infertility? and God's got a blessing

Today has been a great day, I dare not go to sleep without giving God the glory! I dont care how bad you may feel like things are going God will show up and show out.

First I got a call from my doctors office Monday afternoon and they said that there was no cancer found in the samples they took from my breast, talk about a relief. Woot Woot!! I was so happy to hear that, it was just one more thing to stop worrying about even though I knew God was in control. He always makes a way.  I think I will be increasing my healing prayers on that note.

Second I finally got a job after ten months of unemployment, guess who was praise dancing her way through? God is showing out! I said before that I was laid off last May from the elementary school I was at, well the principal has been trying to get me back forever, by the way it was out of his control. He finally called me last week to tell me to be expecting a call. To make a long story short, I got a call from human resources about a position at the school, I didnt even have to interciew or wait for the job to post. Yesterday I went to the school board for fingerprinting, turned in my transcript and now I am officially back at the school. The best thing about it, at first I was a teacher assistant and now I will be working in the office as a Medical Records clerk. Praise break! So monday morning I will be a working chick again. Its kind of bittersweet and I will surely miss my 2pm naps on the couch. Now I will be looking for coffee at that time.
Now on to my third blessing I am waiting on. my husband and I have been trying to get pregnant since November with no such luck, Jesus take the wheel, cause I am trying to have the patience of Job.  This may be TMI but it may help someone. Been on "the pill" for 12 years with three pregnancy breaks in between: 11 year old, 8 year old, and one miscarriage 2 years ago. We tried for four months after the miscarriage with no success and the pressure was too overwhelming that I decided to stop. So this past November I felt like I could try again and plus I decided that I did not want another December baby, yes another cause both my girls are December. Actually they are 3 years and one week apart, yeah I have no idea that happened. Anyways, I decided I did not want that and that I did not want to be when I turned 35 nest January.  Baby...I had it calculated and everything,  but of course God always has the last say so. Fast forward to now and still not pregnant...yet.  I went to my new OB middle January after 43 days of my cycle not coming on then when it did it lasted 15 days, WTH. I needed the bleeding to stop, how was that even possible and why had I not fallen out yet from blood loss and low iron? Oh, and mind you my last cycle was the beginning of December so I was way past. OB started me on Progesterone pills for ten days, while that didn't help 100% in made it way more manageable. I thought it would stop it all the way but it didn't and  right after stopping  those I started bleeding, now I am thinking that was a period because by day five it was off just like that (finger snap).  I was informed to start OPK(ovulation prediction kit) and to take my temperature every morning, which is now getting old but I am pushing through so I can see the promised land. Never once did I think it would take all this to get preggers because before my husband could look at me and i would be. Now its just enjoyable work, hee hee. Well, making this short:I had progesterone checked after getting a positive OPK test and it is lowww, which means I am probably not ovulating on top of that I may have PCOS which stands for polycystic ovarian syndrome.  PCOS is the build up of cysts in the ovaries from eggs that didn't rupture, this is a whole post on its own and would surely explain alot of things that have been going on with me . So I am to start Clomid, to help me ovulate, tomorrow, the third day of my period. YES it did come on, I was terrified it was going to do like last time. Never been so excited to see a period in my life. So now we are praying that this is going to be the month which means another December baby, Lord just make it a boy. He sure has a sense of humor. Thay just goes to show that our ways are not our decisions, I can hear God laughing at my thoughts and ideas now and probably thinking " I got this."
I know this is probably the longest post in the world but I had to play catch up so I can get to where I am now, which is sleepy, lol.

Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly and abundantly above all that we could ask or think according to the power that worketh in us. Ephesians 3:20

Monday, March 10, 2014


This morning I am having one of my "moments", the one where I feel like everything is not working out well then I start feeling overwhelmed and the the tears start flowing. I seem to get these feelings when I am not busy enough to keep my mind occupied and at night. Like right now it's 11am and I am still in the bed, since my daughter's are on Spring break that means there is no reason to get up and be busy. I am am literally about to drag myself out of this bed, I am trying to make plans for the week to keep busy and our sanity. It has been four weeks since I have seen my therapist because I have had to cancel everytime and I am starting to miss that time. Note to self: no more Friday appointments.
Rewind...I was diagnosed with depression a few months ago which was not a surprise to me. I knew a long time ago I needed to see someone but sooo put it off. One reason was because of my hubby, he is the type that always wants everything to seem perfect so I really struggled with wanting to tell him. We are a Christian family, married for 13 years this September, and two beautiful daughters ages 11 and 8. My husband and I are total opposites in every way but because of that we fit together beautifully.  November I decided to talk to him about it, he struggled for a while but then was ok about it and now he supports me to the fullest. I found the best therapist who happens to have AHDH for real, we put staying focused to the test all the time. She is great though. She doesnt feel this will be long term so hopefully by July we should be finished.
This past year has ben a rollercoaster for sure, I was laid off my job in May after being there 7 years, and still have not been able to find another. I have seriously stopped looking because of the stress and all the rejection emails. Then came the breast issues and now the fertility issues. Just one thing after another. It's nice to talk to Leah and let it out my system I feel so much better when I leave her office. She has helped me alot especially with my girls who were stressing me out with all my yelling, and backtalk from the oldest. I am a yeller and I need you to do what I say and not feel like you have to respond back. We may have that nipped in the bud now.  It's good to know all these things weren't just "all in my mind."
I am rambling, I said all that to say its ok to need some help sometimes. I am not a shameful person, our bodies and mind do what they do and we do what we need to do to right it and make it better.  I know this is a test for me, not saying God put this on  me but that  I know he is watching me to see how I am going to handle this. And I plan on passing. This fertility issue is not going to get me down, we were made to produce seed so produce a baby is what I will do in Jesus name. PCOS must go!!! Instead of being sad about it I have decided to change my eating and life styles, they werent bad at all but I am just making it better, nothing wrong with change.  PCOS next time.

Psalm 118:29 Rejoice in the Lord for He is good, His mercies endureth forever...

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Self Therapy

Happy Sunday morning!! A post before I even hit the ground today, because I am such an awesome and busy mom I had no time to update Saturday, let me get some things off my chest before I get ready for church.
So I left off at The Breast Center.....finally made it to the back to see the new doctor an hour and a half after signing in, I just cant figure out why it takes so dang long to see doctors, they tell you to be there 15 early and then you wait forever only to be seen hours later and then spend 10 minutes with the doctor, I will never understand. Thats why I always make early appointments cause I cant handle it. Anyways, the doc was so nice and funny, he didnt come in making me feel scared and overwhelmed. You know how you get that "feeling" sometimes and you think uh uh he is not the one. Well he put me at ease right away. I showed up where the knot was, he felt me up real quick and then did an ultrasound. His words: I have some thickening under my left breast, a little under the right but not as pronounced, he did not see anything that looks like it could be cancerous, it looks like it may be fibrocystic as it was said before. One thing I did do was let him take some sample to send in and be looked at, I am at a 3% risk  but for a peace of mind and put me at 1% I could let him stick my booby which I did and it wasnt as bad as I thought. I should hear something back by Monday or Tuesday and I am set up to see him in two more months if all is well.
I felt really good about this visit, for one I got to actually talk to a doctor and get some actual care as opposed to the last one where I never saw the doctor to talk about the situation, they just sent me on my way after the technician went to the back to see the him on my behalf and then came back to tell me all is well. Don't get me wrong this first place was a breast center too and very reputable but still using my own voice to ask questions is nice.
Sometime you have to be your own health advocate, know one knows your body like you do. Which leads me to my next therapy session: infertility. Yep I said the word and I am not ashamed. The first step to healing is admitting. Now to get ready for church. Until next time...

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Self Therapy I sit here starting my new and blog and first post, I am at The West Clinic Comprehensive Breast Center in my home town. This is actually calming my nerves as I sit waiting to be called back for another mammogram. I just had one in December which turned out fine but my mother nurse decided I should get a second opinion which just makes good sense. Let me tell you I have the worst nerves evah, yes just like that. The first mammogram I had in December made me a flat out wreck, my hormones were all over the dang place causing symptoms that I didnt know could happen. Including burning mouth syndrome, what the heck, think it aint real look it up.  After two weeks and i don't know how many peices of gum later, it finally went away. So anyways this is kind of relaxing...I am not as nervous as I was the first time though, my husband was with me then and I am alone this time which is sort of eerie(que scary music). At least I had some one to talk to dont feel Iike playing games on the phone so I decided to blog. Been thinking about doing this for a while cause my life aint perfect and I felt like this would be a good self-therapy starting point, even though I already see one in real life, like I said before my life is not perfect but I am not complaining.  I know God is in controI of all things.  I dont even know where to start on all that other jazz in my life so I think I will end now until later on plus I keep having typos that I keep having to fix trying to type on this phone. Toodles!